Round Robin - 2016

WARNING - THIS BLOG POST CARPET-BOMBS THE C-WORD.  DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED.

2016 has been an arse of a year.  I've personally lost two cats, one school-friend and my mother.  In return, I've gained 8 kilos.   By any measure, that's a shit deal.

All of us have lost this year.   We've lost so many talented bringers of joy.  Entertainers, writers, actors, comics and musicians.  Gone and replaced by whom?  Some X Factor Karaoke gimp?  

And we've lost the warmer, safer, fairer world - a world that was admittedly clinging on by it's fingertips against the assaults of neo-liberalism, wars and David Cameron's fuck-awful government.  We've had the Brexit vote, the open acceptance of racism and proud celebration of ignorance and xenophobia.  We've had indifference and hatred toward migrants - trolls openly celebrating the deaths of other humans trying to escape war.  We've had the murder of Jo Cox, the rise of the Alt Right, the election of Trump and the continued reverence of Farage, Johnson, Gove and other arch-liars.  

2016 has been so bad that the Chinese have had to create another creature of the Zodiac.  2016 has been:

The Year of the Cunt

I can honestly say that a word that was banned from my vocabulary just 18 months ago, has been called upon and thought if not spoken so many times this year that I've had to keep a log.

You'll notice a spike in late June.  This was Brexit.  More of which shortly.  Another smaller spike in November, when Trump's election victory dragged out the same sort of cuntery seen in June.  There's no data for late December but I suspect another peak as Trump appears to have drained the swamp simply to make room to put more cunts in there. 

Anyway, after the peaks, there is a tailing-off but the c-word is still frequently brought to play when having to converse with Brexiters and their ilk.

Although Brexit brought peak cuntery, there are many other factors this year that have had me reaching for the c-word.  The major causes of thinking or uttering the word 'cunt' are listed and annotated below.

1. Brexit - The Players

So these are the cunts that orchestrated the whole thing.   Farage. Gove, Johnson, Grayling, Patel, that awful prick Banks and so on.  In fact anyone that got into the media to promote Brexit has shown themselves to be a dreadful fucking cunt.  Lie after lie after lie.  Xenophobic and nasty campaigns that placed all the blame for all out troubles upon the EU and immigrants.   Arch-cuntery.   And now because these irresponsible fuckers have got their way, despite lying their arses off, the country is going to suffer economic decline, social divisions and pretty much everything getting worse.   And these cunts have such brass necks that when it all goes to tits and their lies are found out, they'll just blame the Germans, the remainers, the migrants - anyone but themselves.   Cunts.

Update Dec 22nd.   I never liked Farage but I'd just seen him as an unpleasant xenophobe who was savvy enough to not fuck up when given the oxygen of publicity.  The BBC haven't spotted this and keep on inviting him on in the vain hope that he'll do a Nick Griffin.   He won't.  Stop inviting him.
Anyway, his recent comments about Jo Cox's widower have marked Nigel Farage out to be an end-level-boss cunt. Farage is indefensible, without any redeeming qualities whatsoever

2. The Cameron Government

Elected as One Nation Conservatives, these cunts soon got that wrong and decided to be One Percent Conservatives instead.  A succession of nastiness that sought to divide the nation and heap scorn and poverty upon anyone who was unfortunate enough to be disabled, unemployed or simply not rich.   We'd all thought of the Lib Dems as be-sandalled Quislings but once they were out of the way, full cuntery ensued.   Austerity meant that there was less and less public money available to support the nation.   But at least that it meant that the public finances were healthier.  Except they weren't.  At all. Chancellor Osbourne managed to put an extra half a trillion pounds onto the Nation Debt between 2011 and 2015.

This government committed countless acts of cuntery - from bedroom tax through to giving Iain Duncan Smith responsibility over people's lives.  But their longest lasting cunts trick was the Brexit referendum.  They led a frankly fucking awful campaign to persuade us to stay - relying on a combination of arrogance and putting the frighteners on us.   They lost, we lost and as soon as Cameron realised that he'd promised to invoke Article 50, he baled out.  Because even he could see that whoever invoked Article 50 and pushed the UK over a cliff, would go down in history as the architect of a massive act of foolhardy cuntery.    Which brings us to...

3. The May Government

Theresa May was Home Secretary for many years.   She was pretty shit but was especially shit at two things.   The first was reducing immigration.  She had complete control over all non-EU migrants and set a target of 'tens of thousands'.   She failed miserably.  She plainly is stung by this failure and so pledged to make Brexit all about reducing EU migration.   That means no Freedom of Movement which means no access to the Single Market or the Customs Union which means our businesses become embroiled in red-tape and tariffs, lose their competitiveness and are wiped out.  Our imports become more expensive which is good for exporters but only if they can manufacture products made entirely from British produce.  Which, given that the only thing we seem to produce in great quantities is narrow-minded cunts, does not bode at all well for our economic health.  But at least Theresa will be able to say that she got migration down and will have bragging rights at whatever hive of cuntery she socialises at.

The second thing that Theresa was shit at was negotiations with the European Court of Human Rights (ECtHR)  Not only did she spout baseless bollocks about not being able to deport someone who owned cat (100% not true BTW) but she failed miserably to deport Abu Hamza because the ECtHR won't allow deportation to places of torture or inhumane treatment.   Now, Hamza is a cunt - no doubt about that - but if the UK enables, encourages or uses torture, then we're no better.   The ECtHR thwarted May (and her Labour predecessor who was also some way along the cunty spectrum) and so she's on a mission to remove us from the European Convention of Human Rights and replace it with a UK version.  What will that be like?  You can bet your arse it'll be depostic, cunty and ill-thought out.
And that's just May.  Then there's her Cabinet.  The 3 ministers of Brexit - Cunty, Cunty and the cunty one.  There there's a Home Secretary with a shady past; a war-mongering defence minister and a transport secretary who opens his door on a cyclist and then leaves the scene without exchanging details.   Cunts.  Cunts who are currently (perhaps temporarily) supported by:

4. Brexit - The Supporters

Dunno about you but if I've been lied to and I find out about it, I get all cross with whoever had lied to me.  I'd have to be pretty cunty to get cross at whoever had pointed out the lie.   I'd have to be pretty cunty to pretend that the lies weren't lies.  I'd have to be pretty cunty to refuse to believe facts and believe lies instead.  I'd have to be pretty cunty to start shouting 'Get over it!' every time someone pointed out an uncomfortable truth.  But it seems that being pretty cunty does seem to the be qualification to be a UKIPer or any other irrational supporter of Brexit.   I say 'irrational' because I've not heard any good reason for the UK to leave.  Make no mistake, the EU is pretty shit but it's the sort of pretty shit that we can sort out by working with others and changing it from within.  It's certainly not going to be sorted out if we keep returning Farage and his disrespectful shower of expense-hoovering cunts over to 'represent' us.  Like be-suited 'Brits on the Piss' football fans, they sprawl and brawl across Brussels making all of us look like cunts.  Our 'ambassadors' to the EU are charmless, artless & clueless scroungers who piss on our nation's reputation at every turn.  And they're cunts too.
And yet to the starry-eyed supporters of Brexit, Nigel Farage should be deified, sainted, ennobled and put in a position of power to negotiate our way out of the EU.  That'll go well.   I have some respect for Nigel Farage.  Anyone who can wear yellow cords and drink that amount of booze without showing a piss-patch either has a bladder of iron or a double-bags the Tena Pads.  I'm going with the latter.

Brexit supporters can be dreadfully cunty but really I should feel sorry for them.  They've been played for suckers by the Brexit players.  Easy populist stories that place blame elsewhere are far easier to accept than having to admit that pretty much all of the nation's problems have been caused by our own governments and their failure to invest in the state.  The Brexit supporters are as much victims as the rest of us. 

You'd think that a major political party would have stepped up and done everything the possibly could to show the population how staying the the EU benefits all of us.   Which brings us to:

5. Her Majesty's Opposition

I have a lot of time for Jeremy Corbyn.  I think he's a genuinely nice man with admirable values.  I just wish that during Prime Minister's Questions, he'd unleash the verbal equivalent of Laser Tits and leave scorched earth where his opponent once stood.

They say that you can judge a man by the company he keeps.   You can also judge a man by his enemies.   Whichever way you choose, you'll find a fair range of cuntiness.  Inept cunts; shouldn't be allowed to speak cunts and you've-not-really-got-the-hang-of-what-the-Labour-party-should-stand-for cunts.   

Frankly, it doesn't really matter if the Labour party are united or not.   Same as it doesn't matter who leads them.  Whoever has that job will be vilified, demonised and lied ceaselessly about by our next selection of cunts.

6. British Media Barons

Tax-avoiding, Brexit-supporting, union-bashing, phone-hacking, reputation-trashing, hatred-spreading cunts.     Not quite the Pepsi ad but you get my point. They have power without responsibility and don't really care at all about the damage they cause to society.

Rather like our next shower of cunts.

7. Fair Fuel UK

We don't like to pay too much for petrol - especially as some of what we pay goes back to Saudi and Qatar where it allegedly goes to support ISIS and other extremist cunts.    And so perhaps we should welcome Fair Fuel UK and their campaign to reduce tax on car fuel.  
That's what I thought when I saw in November that they'd saved £100 Billion in fuel duties.   When I pointed out that that's £100 Billion that's not gone to schools, hospitals, pensioners, veterans etc. etc. they turned on me and went full Libertarian.   They ranted on that tax is evil, the best economies have low taxation and that all governments are evil and all laws are wrong or something.   I lost the details as they deleted the post and blocked me.   However, they showed themselves to be the kind of cunt that pretends to be on the side of the little man when in fact they're an industry-backed cluster of cunts who simply want to defund the state.  What's most impressive is that they've got their 'cunt score' in just two months.  
On the broader subject of the toddler-like libertarians, I will hand over to the much-missed Iain Banks, who sums them up far more articulately than I can.

“Libertarianism. A simple-minded right-wing ideology ideally suited to those unable or unwilling to see past their own sociopathic self-regard.”

And on the subject of simple-minded:

8.  Road Tax Martyrs

In 1925, Winston Churchill said “Entertainments may be taxed; public houses may be taxed; racehorses may be taxed…and the yield devoted to the general revenue. But motorists are to be privileged for all time to have the whole yield of the tax on motors devoted to roads. Obviously this is all nonsense…Such contentions are absurd, and constitute…an outrage upon the sovereignty of Parliament and upon common sense.”
In other words, paying Road Tax makes the cunts in cars think that they own the roads.  They don't.
 In 1937, Road Tax was scrapped - replaced by Car Tax.
And yet, 70 years on, the roads are full of cunts who think that they pay Road Tax and as such, only they are allowed on the roads.   They feel that because cyclists don't pay "Road Tax", they shouldn't be allowed on the public highways.
Well now...
Roads are paid by the taxes that we all pay and so when I'm on my bike, I've paid just as much as you have, Mr Cunty Driver, even though I'm supposed to stick to the gutter on the narrow shitty bit of paint that passes for 'provision for cyclists'.
And even then, cunts in cars shout that I should go and pay Road Tax.   How?  Invent a time machine and travel back to 1936, queue up in a Post Office to be told that even back then, cyclists didn't pay Road Tax.  I'd almost look as big a cunt as you do in your shit car, chucking out noise and fumes.  In your shit car that spunks away your cash whilst sitting out in the road doing nothing.  In your shit car that you bought to impress potential sexual partners but that failed miserably to attract anyone other than middle-aged men in motor-racing jackets; men with 'Castrol' written across the backs of their anoraks.  It's a strange sort of man who so boldly declares his favourite lubricant.   Probably the sort of man that does this:

9.  Driving at excessive speeds in a 20 mph limit

Come on then.  What's so fucking important that you have to drive so fast down a residential road?  Down a road where kids are walking to school.  Down a road with cyclists, pensioners and cats all over the place.   Down a road where people live.   It's a residential road - not a race track for bellends.   
Apparently, driving fast is supposed to be sexy and attractive.   Fine.  It is quite fun to do - on motorways and race tracks.  But on roads where people live?  It's simply cunty.

Worse are those who drive fast past schools.  What possible legit reason could there be for trying to look sexy and attractive when driving past children?    The cunts who drive fast past children are simply Paedos in Peugots; Nonces in Novas, erm...   Deviants in Daihatsus?    Whatever...  They're cunts.


 2017 will be much better.