Always a bit of an odd one, 5 gold rings. The song rattles along nicely and then suddenly halts so that '5 Gold Rings' is sung in a Madrigal stylee. Why? And why so high pitched? Choral singers have to reach down and squeeze their testicles in order to reach the high note of '5'. I accept that squeezing testicles is part and parcel of being in a church choir but it's not usual to have to squeeze ones own testicles.
Rings in testicles - squeezed or un-squeezed - seem to be very popular these days. Seems that you're no-one without a cock-ring or a couple of bolts through the scrotum. Perhaps it's planning ahead - when the knacker-sac gets too saggy and dangly, it can be easily bolted back into place. But I'm not convinced of the wisdom of attaching weights to something so stretchy. Sooner or later, you're going to trip over it while stumbling along for a third night-time pee.
It is claimed that the Prince Albert 'penis accoutrement' is so named because the real Prince Albert had his cock pierced so that his trousers fitted properly. Just let me run that by you again. His trousers didn't fit. So he jabbed a new hole in his cock. And then put some metal through it. He was the Prince Regent - husband Queen Victoria - the ruler of the largest empire the world has seen. And yet he'd rather mutilate his cock than ask the royal tailor to adjust his trousers. I'm pro-Monarchy but that is just barking mad.
I recently had a long haul flight next to a well-dressed professional gentleman in his 40s. With a small Prince Albert through his nose. Why was it there? To stop him digging for roots? Was it the one from his cock? Kept in a safe place so that he didn't set of a security alarm? No idea - I didn't dare ask him.
Many years ago, a friend of mine pierced his foreskin and put a ring through it. He was ever so proud and insisted on showing us. Erm... Great... To be honest, it looked like a cock with an ear-ring. Only smaller. But it had the desired effect - he showed it to a lot of women and they mostly seemed to think it was cute enough to play with.
In 1982, while still at Cambridge University, Derek Pringle was called up into the England cricket team. He had a ear stud and this caused a furore at the MCC. He was told in no uncertain terms that he would be playing but the earring would not be allowed. Determined that his earring should enjoy the match, Pringle entrusted it to his mate, Muttley. Word from the wise - never have a mate called Muttley. Here's why. Muttley took the earring and as soon as Pringle's back was turned, jabbed it through his own foreskin and then hobbled to his seat at Lords. The earring didn't have a great view of the match but it was there throughout. After the match, Muttley removed and returned the earring. Pringle put it back in his ear and didn't find out about its tour de foreskin until a long way through the beers later that evening. Didn't take it out though. Good man.
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