As a child, I always thought this was "Four Collie Birds". A cross between a Collie and an Eagle would be a cracking animal for a shepherd to have. Ranging out far and rounding up the sheep and then returning to perch on the shepherd's outstretched arm.
When I was a shepherd*, I didn't have a dog. Or an Eagle. Or even a Collie bird Hippogriff combo. I didn't have a crook and I didn't even have a Gabriel Oak smock with nothing on underneath.
I've worked in IT for over 20 years now and if there's one thing I can say with complete authority, it is that I am the only person I've met in the world of IT who has gone from shepherding to IT consultant by way of door-to-door salesman, shop-assistant and Roger Bird's fartcatcher. Apparently this is not the usual career path.
All of my IT peers went to university. While I was wandering around frozen fields, they were tucked up nice and warm at university having to put up with 3 years of cheap beer and cheap sex.
The flock had 400 ewes so I certainly had an option of very cheap sex but there was no cheap beer. All I had was a stick and a can of Iodine spray.
The stick was really just for company - it gets lonely out in the fields.
The Iodine spray was for important Shepherd duties..
Every time a lamb is born, the shepherd has to cut the umbilical cord and spray Iodine onto the lambs tummy to sterilise the tummy button. Then lift the lamb up to the mothers head so that she can lick off the birth membrane and bond with the lamb. That's the 'Ahhh!' part - very rewarding. But it is followed by the 'Ughh!' part.
The 'Ughh!' part is simply that you have to shove a hand up the ewe's fanny to check for blockages or other lambs and then quickly squeeze the tits to check that milk is there and mastitis is not. Sometimes the ewes would loudly baa "Tits before fanny! I'm not a slag!**".
The usual name for this 'inspection' is the Gloucestershire Seduction Technique and it is frequently used on humans. As you all very well know.
* I was de-smocked and baa'd from working with sheep. Not saying why.
**Thanks to Steve Coogan for that one.
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