Skin Flicks

I've always been a pimply fker.  From adolescence to middle-age, I've been prone to spots.  My 83 year old mother still gets teenage spots.  It's a family thing.  My wife has perfect skin and hardly ever gets spots.  On the rare occasions that she does, her inexperience means she hacks away until she has genuinely made a mountain out of a molehill.   I have years of practice and can surgically excise even the most stubborn pimple.

I never really got the huge adolescent zilters that could feed the five thousand - just annoying zits that usually come from poor hygiene.   Apart from the teenage period of not washing as that would mean losing the wondrous new smells eminating all over, I've always been careful about washing my hands and face.   It doesn't make much difference - dirt still seeks me out and settles on me seconds after washing.

Not everyone washes their hands.   I often want to follow someone out of the gents and loudly announce "This dirty fucker didn't wash his hands".  However, I don't want to get punched by pooey hands.  These are grown men who come straight out of the trap and out of the toilets without even a glance at the sink.  Ugh!

I worked with a bloke once who used to go for a piss and then dry his hands under the dryer.  That  left his hands pissy-wet as hand dryers are rubbish.  He was sacked for being a ****.

Because hand dryers are so crap, I frequently have to assure someone whose hand I've just shaken that the moisture is from an inadequate dryer and not just piss.  Breaks the ice but they do tend to hurry away and avoid me after that.

A recent addition to the long list of middle-aged c**t-tricks that nature plays on me is Roseacea.  Along with knackers like a Gauchos' bolas, growing BFG ears and nose and the Pube Sabbatical*, I now have bad skin again.

Like all men, I've not gone to the doctors and instead have self-diagnosed over the internet.  I shouldn't have done this.  Partially because it is deeply stupid and partially because the prognosis was very bad.  Roseacea is incurable and usually flares up after spicy food and / or alcohol.

So, a question for you, dear reader.  Do I give up booze and spicy food and have mediocre skin?  Or shall I carry on as I've always done with the added 'appeal' of a facial rash?

I have stopped drinking before.  It is terribly dull.  The evenings go on for ever. Maybe I need a hobby.   While internetting the Roseacea, I found this video.   Hard-core porn, daredevil stunts, cute kittens - none of them are as fascinating as this.  I've watched it again and again and still I find myself gasping, wincing and then cheering.

The patient has nurtured a blocked pore for 25 years.  Her friends (I assume they're friends - they certainly aren't doctors) decide to get the contents of the pore out using the bluntish end of a needle.

Be warned - it is horrible.  But it is also fascinating.   My new hobby is to allow a pore to block up for 25 years and then film it being squeezed.  I'll charge people to watch.   It is a far better financial plan than my pension.

http://www.minds.com/blog/view/208534/clogged-pore-for-the-past-25-years


Hungry now?




*Not sure if I've mentioned the Pube Sabbatical before.  After 30 years of hanging round your bollocks, your pubes get to take a holiday in your eyebrows or ears.