First blog. Years after anyone else who wanted to had already started, peaked, slowed down and given up blogging. But it's better to come to the party late and hoover up any leftover booze than stay home crisping up socks.
This blog will be an attempt to get all of the funny stuff out of my head. Over the years I've thought of a lot of stuff that sometimes makes other people laugh. But I've jealously guarded it and kept it in my head - perhaps because I vainly think that it is stealable and perhaps because I still entertain this idea of doing a bit of stand-up.
For me, stand-up would probably be a bad idea. I've worked for the last 20+ years in a banter-free environment. If I were to step up on stage and get heckled, I have no defence - I'm not match fit. I'd probably just cry. Or just freeze. Or both. Certainly I don't have any smart retorts and if I did, I'd be nervous and would fk them up. No heckler is going to be much hurt by me mumbling something about wanking into your mums sock in McDonalds.
Another drawback to stand-up is that I genuinely love making people laugh and I have this overwhelming need to be liked. So on the rare occasions when I do make someone laugh, I am giddy with pleasure and can't help grinning. Hardly Jack Dee.
So on reflection, I'd get owned if I did stand-up. So instead, I'll blog all the stuff that's been clogging up my brain so that there's room for more.
